The orginal title of this post was "Definitely a Felony". Peter corrected me and said these stories don't involve felonies; only misdemeanors. Man, I hope I don't ever have felony in the title of one of my blog postings.
So, we've had a few issues recently with our wonderful Owen Michael Paul. Surprise surprise, right? I know, it is pretty shocking. But, I swear to you, it's true.
First of all, Owen has come down with what I hope is a curable disease ... kleptomania. I know, I know, he's four, it's just a phase. Yeah, no. It started innocently enough with him stealing chapstick out of our linen closet. Some may argue that, technically, it's in his home and could be considered his and not really stealing. Unfortunately, it did not stop there. He has since stolen chapstick and gum from his cousin, Azylin. And also tic tacs and chapstick from two of his grandmas (he has a thing for chapstick apparently). We made him give everything back and apologize. You'd think that might be enough to get him not to do it again, right? Wrong. He stole gum and chapstick again from Azylin. We told him that this time he has to pay money from his piggy bank, give back his loot, and apologize. He cried and cried, screamed about how he has no more quarters left and it just isn't fair. It actually broke my heart a bit. I hate making my kids so upset, but I stuck to my guns. I'd rather have an upset Owen than an Owen who isn't allowed in people's houses because he has sticky fingers.
The next misdemeanor involves underage drinking. Now, we've found numerous open Coke and Sprite cans underneath the pool table in the basement. We've talked to him about how bad soda is for children, but, of course, it tastes good so why would he listen? However, today takes the cake. I was getting the basement bedroom ready for special visitors and noticed that Owen kept going into the laundry room where we have an extra fridge. I asked him to stop because I wanted to keep the warm air in the bedroom and not leaking out into the laundry room. I went upstairs, but Mr. Owen stayed downstairs because he wanted to "look around in the basement". What? We forced him to come upstairs anyway and didn't really question anything. Owen kept showing us the juice he poured into a sippy cup and said it makes bubbles when you shake it. Again, didn't really question anything (though, now it all makes sense). After the boys were in bed, Peter asked me to taste Owen's juice. Yup, it was about 50/50 juice and Bud Light. Peter found the open can of beer in the fridge in the basement. He showed it to Owen who had just come out of his room for the 87th time to "tell us something" and Owen immediately turned around, went back into his room, and blocked the door with his body when we tried to come in and talk to him. We had the "you are too young to drink, you could go to jail, Mommy & Daddy could go to jail" talk with him. Fingers crossed that it works. Fingers crossed that he stops stealing. He's too young for this, isn't he?
Please don't call CPS; I swear we are moving the beer.
I will end this post with my most recent favorite picture of Owen. This was last night. He walked out of his room in his cute pajamas, holding his sister's Coach purse, and wearing a Santa hat (even though it looks like underwear) and told me he was going on a date with his friend, Alex. Man, I love this little boy!!
I have a few different stories for today's blog. I've been saving them up to give one, big, fantastic, blog blow out. No just kidding, they all happened in the last three days and I wanted to write them all before I forgot.
Today, was Costco day in the Owen Michael Paul household. I decided to be brave and took all three kids with me after work. What started as a normal and, actually, pleasant Costco trip soon turned loud and tear-worthy. Owen and Elsa were sitting "up front" in the cart and Vance sat in the main part of the cart with 50 pounds of frozen chicken and 30 rolls of paper towel.
We decided to pick up a new dog bed for Sid-Vicious because she has been sleeping on the boys extra bed and making it all dog stinky (yes, they share a twin bed, don't ask; they know there is another twin bed just waiting for one of them to sleep in it). Vance decided to get comfortable in the cart and used the new dog bed as his pillow.
After adding a few more items, I asked Vance if he was okay since he was now camoulflaged by all of our groceries. I don't think Owen was happy that Vance had a sweet pillow and a blanket made of oranges and Pledge because he decided he wanted to sit in the main cart with Vance. I tried to tell him it wasn't as fun as it looked. No dice. I told him there is no room, which there wasn't. Yep, no dice. Finally, I just said no. No, you cannot sit there, there is no room in the cart for you (or soup for you, for that matter. Owen acquired what can only be described as short term hearing loss because he didn't hear any of that. He made the decision on his own to climb out of the cart (while it was moving!).
He then tried to climb into the cart where Vance was on his own and would have succeeded if it weren't for you meddling kids. Sorry, too many Scooby Doo episodes. Anyway, he tried climbing in on his own, but I was able to stop him. That's when he decided to let me and all of Costco know how unhappy he was with my decision. We had yelling, tears, kicking, hitting, trying to climb back in over and over again. This, legitimately, went on for 15 minutes. I tried to tell him he was embarrassing himself. I told him he was embarrassing me. I told him he'd be sitting in his room when we got home. I tried to shrink away from all of the stares. You know the stares. The stares that tell you exactly what kind of parent these strangers think you are based on the way your child is behaving in Costco. Finally, FINALLY, after what seemed like an interminable amount of screaming and yelling, the food sample girls saved the day.
"Yogurt? Try our Greek yogurt. Only 90 calories and high in protein."
Owen's ears perked right up and he asked if he could have yogurt. A good mom probably would have said no. He didn't deserve it based on his behavior 11 seconds ago. However, I just wanted to get through with Costco and go home with no more temper tantrums. So, I gave in and let him and his brother and sister have the yogurt. He was fine for the rest of the trip. I don't think I want to know what this whole story says about me as a parent.
The next story is actually a little funny on Owen's part. On Sunday night, I'm sitting down watching the Golden Globes. So excited for Tina and Amy. Vance comes out of his room crying because Owen has convinced him there is a hole in the floor of their room. I told him it was a vent and he should go back to bed. That wasn't good enough and he is legitimately crying. So, I get off the couch, pause Tina and Amy, and head to casa V&O. Vance tells me that there is a hole under their bed and they will fall into it while they are asleep. At first, I laugh. I mean, really? You think there is a sinkhole that only Owen knows about big enough to swallow you, your brother, and the bed? But, Vance is really scared and cries harder when I laugh. So, I try to convince him that just the day before, I pulled the bed away from the wall to clean underneath it and there was no hole. He doesn't believe me. I try really hard to try to convince him there is no hole. But, it's no use. In his mind, there is a sinkhole waiting to devour him and nothing can change that. So, in the end, I had to have Peter come in and talk him down. I wonder how Peter convinced him there was no sinkhole ...
This last story probably says too much about me as a parent. I was coming out of our room a few days ago and Owen scared me because I didn't realize he was standing in the hall. He started laughing and I promised him I'd get him back. Did I mention that I find it HILARIOUS when people get scared? Anyway, when we were downstairs getting laundry and his back was turned, I walked to the back of the room where there are no lights and just stood there. Owen knew I was back there, but couldn't see me. He repeated over and over again, "Mom! Mom? Are you back there? Mom! Come out!" I stood my ground and didn't come out. He's very smart, that Owen, and knew I wanted to scare him so he wouldn't come back to find me. Finally, his brother called him from the other room and he left his post guarding the door. I made a quick dash to the front of the laundry room and stood behind the door he was just at waiting for him to come back. He did. I waited until just the right moment and then I jumped out and scared him. The look on his face. The screech of his voice. It was priceless. I laughed so hard I fell to the floor with tears on my face. Luckily, Owen was a good sport and also fell to the floor laughing. Good times :)
So, one terrible Owen story, one funny Owen story, and one terrible Mom story. Yep, that pretty much sums up life in our household. Happy New Year!!
